The Book
I’m Supposed to Be Doing This
An Adult Gap Year
What happens when what you wanted at twenty-one isn’t what you want at forty-five? I left a twenty-year career and a PwC partnership, moved my family to Oaxaca, and found out. This is that story, told honestly, including the parts that were hard and the parts that were ridiculous.
Also available as an ebook and audiobook.
The questions I couldn’t stop asking.
I wasn’t in crisis. I was successful, by every measure anyone else would use, and quietly unsure of my own purpose. Burned out, craving something different, and unable to say why out loud. I asked myself the hard questions anyway, at a point in my life when I had every reason not to. Then I answered them by leaving, and by writing down what actually happened.
- How I got to the point where I knew something had to change.
- What it took to move a family to Oaxaca and let go of the identity I’d built.
- What I unlearned, relearned, and would do again.
Oh, and there likely will be maggots.
A few scenes from that year.
Not the highlight reel. Just what was actually happening while I was figuring it out.
Chapter One
My Big Idea
“I have a crazy idea. What if we moved to Mexico this year? The kids can Zoom into remote school. You’ve always worked remotely so it shouldn’t matter where you work. I can take a sabbatical. We can turn COVID into an adventure,” I proposed to my husband Bill as we ate dinner on the screened porch of the cabin we were renting.
The summer sun slowly sank behind the Appalachian Mountains of North Carolina, the buzz of cicadas grew louder, and the breeze gently attempted to usher out the heat as dusk settled around us. Everything seemed to be moving in three-quarters time. Bill looked at me with equal parts confusion and curiosity, considering my idea. I had no idea what he was thinking, but my proposal was out there. Now I waited.
I felt like everything was hanging on Bill’s response. In the few hours since it occurred to me we could live out COVID’s quarantine almost anywhere, my idea transformed from merely a possibility into a calling. Not a choice, really, but the only logical path forward. You see, I lost myself long ago, lost myself in my work and the roles I had assumed: a consulting firm partner, mother, compliance expert, locator of lost things, wife, process improvement guru, interior designer and project architect, business integration leader, comfort provider, workforce and change management sage, friend, chauffeur, chef, COO of the home, teacher, keeper of the schedule, and an occasional drill sergeant, among other things. I was a lot of things to many people, yet I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.
As a relative problem in the world, the fact I was “lost” was minor. By most objective measures I was successful and had “made it.” People across the world suffered on a scale far greater than me, a scale I generally couldn’t comprehend. I recognized my privilege. Who was I to complain? Like a good overachiever, when thoughts such as Am I really supposed to be doing this? or Is this all there is? surfaced, I pushed my feelings down and ignored them.
Until I couldn’t anymore.
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Praise for I’m Supposed to Be Doing This
“Who among us hasn’t wondered what that other path would look like. Suzanne bravely took that risk and found fulfillment and happiness that even she never could have imagined. I’m Supposed to Be Doing This may very well be the inspiration you need.”Peter Alexander, MS NOW
“A must-read for professionals thinking about how to recreate themselves.”Deborah Wituski, Vice President, Google
“At a moment when so many of us are looking for meaning and reevaluating our paths, this book is a relatable and authentic story about how you can go about finding yourself decades after you thought you already had.”Catlin O’Shaughnessy Coffrin, Founder & CEO, Captivating Consulting
“A vulnerable, authentic, and often hilarious introspective.”Paul Mihalick, Director of Sales and Partnerships, Quickbase
“Her story is candid, inspiring and, at times, absolutely hilarious.”Laura Preng, Partner, Preng & Associates
What people tell me they took from it.
- You are not stuck because something is wrong with you.Everyone plateaus. What defines you is how you get unstuck, and that what got you here won’t get you there.
- Self-awareness is the whole ballgame.Knowing your values, your motives, and what you actually want is what lets your intentions and your actions finally line up.
- Slowing down is not quitting.Changing anything real means unlearning, relearning, and being still long enough to hear the person you want to become.
Those three ideas grew into the work I do now: the Power of the Pause, the Adult Gap Year, and Unmasking Leadership. See the frameworks →
Reading it with a group?
I wrote a discussion guide for book clubs, leadership circles, and women’s groups. Twelve questions that go somewhere real, plus a few that will make people laugh. It’s free.
I join book club calls when my calendar allows. Ask about a visit →
If the book started something.
Work with me 1:1
Leadership coaching for the inflection point you’re actually at.
Coaching →Bring me to your team or stage
Keynotes and workshops on the Power of the Pause, Unmasking Leadership, and the Adult Gap Year.
Speaking →Take the week
The Vamonos Experience in Oaxaca, where the book’s questions get asked out loud.
The retreat →
About the author
Suzanne Roske is a leadership coach, speaker, and former PwC partner. She lives outside Washington, DC, with part of her heart in Oaxaca. I’m Supposed to Be Doing This is her first book.
The book ends. The question doesn’t.
Read it when you’re ready to ask it yourself.